Oklahoma Venison Burger

American Entree

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OKLAHOMA VENISON BURGER

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 onion
1 pound ground venison or ground beef
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
4 hamburger buns
1 ½tablespoon vegetable oil
4 slices American or cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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mandoline
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Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use mandoline to cut onion into slices 1/16″ thick. Add venison, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Divide venison into 4 balls..
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Add venison balls to flat surface. Top venison balls with equal amounts of onion slices. Use large spatula to smash venison balls into patties ¼” thick. (Make sure the onion slices are totally smashed into the patty.)
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Add vegetable oil to pan. Use spatula to add as many flattened patties to pan ast will fit without touching. (You might to cook in batches.) Cook patties at medium heat for 4 minutes or until the bottom of the patties brown and the edges start to crisp.
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Use large spatula to carefully turn over patties. Cook for another 3 minutes or until onion bits turn golden brown, or caramelize, and patties reach desired level of doneness. Top patties with a cheese slice. Cook for 1 minute more or until cheese melts. While venison patties cook, toast buns. Assemble burger with your favorite toppings and dig in. Yum.
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TIDBITS
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1) Smashing onion into burgers during the Great Depression was a way to stretch expensive beef. This idea is credited by culinary historians for lifting America of the Great Depression.
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2) On the other hand, their cousins, the culinary physicists, are using particle accelerators to test the properties of Oklahoma Venison Burgers, OVB, under extreme conditions. What do they hope to find? They’re not saying. We should worry.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Was Beside Myself Today

When my future hung in the balance.

Future me scowled. He pointed to his suitcase. “Ow!” Perhaps he should have pointed with his free hand. “You have a purpose.” He scowled again. “And change out of those pajamas. They have baby dinosaurs on them. And at noon as well.”
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I stiffened. I tried to pull myself up to a full six feet, four inches. I failed though, being only six feet tall. “I’m retired. I can wear what I like, whenever I like. So bugger off.”
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“Listen Paul,” said the stranger. “I haven’t come to set you on the path to sartorial splendor. Heck, I remember wearing those dino pajamas to dinner, sometimes later than that.”
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A bulb lit up above my mead, a low-wattage one sure, but it still went off.
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“So you’re me.” I had originally thought, ‘Your me,’ but I corrected that mental typo before either of us noticed. What brings you back. Did you want to be beside yourself?”
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I thought sure he’d guffaw at that jest. He didn’t.
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He looked like a man who’d been forced to feed lutefisk to his children.
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I tried to lift the mood.
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“Why did the man cross the Mobius strip?”
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“To get to the same side.”
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Nothing, That knee slapper left future man shrouded in gloom.
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My synapses fired. “Why are you so sad? What can I do?”
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He pointed to the suitcase. “It’s full of Amos Keeto novels.”
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“Amos Keeto, the master of culinary noir.”
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He nodded.
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“Well future me, what do you want me to do?”
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“Take them back to the library. Now! Don’t run up five years of library fines. You’ll lose all your savings, your home, everything. Those librarians are a byword for terror. You’ll wander the streets muttering, ‘but they were such page turners.’ You’ll earn just enough for your daily meatball, by selling snot to biochem warfare labs. Please return then now.”
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And so I did. I even changed into street clothes to do it.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Great Library Cat Latch Hook Project – Part 1, Beginning

Hi there, I’m starting a third latch-hook project. It will combine two of my great loves in life: cats and books.

This project promises to possess fewer pitfalls than the last one. So the accompanying cussing should lessen as well. As always, this project should help my eyes work better together and also enhance my hand-eye coordination. Anyway, here’s what I done so far.

08-03-2025

 

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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: latch hook | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Because I’m So Mature: Double Entendre Clown

Pepe the Clown says, “Juggle your balls.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: life tips | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Great Cats Latch Hook Project – Part 4, Final

Hi there, I finished the Great Cats Latch Hook Project Woo hoo! It was full of unseen obstacles such as inertia, a difficult pattern, having only one type of yellowish yarn even though the pattern called for  two, and not enough yarn for one needed color. But I persevered and finished. Go me!  Full speed ahead on the next project

And here’s what I did.

6-27-2025

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, latch hook | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Archer Woman on Printers

It was so difficult to make paper in Archer Woman’s day, So she really means the following.

Archer Woman #16

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Archer Woman | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why Neanderthals Went Extinct

If only they could have hit the curveball.

The following is an extract from the best-seller, We’re French and You’re Not, so it must be true.
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“Robert, I wonder why Cro-Magnon survived and Neanderthal died out.”

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“Let me tell you ma chérie. My five-hundredth great grandfather was there.”
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“Your five-hundredth great grandfather?”
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“Yes, his name was Henri Ogg. Henri was upset that the Neanderthals didn’t properly spice their mastodon steaks. So, he started boycotting Neanderthal restaurants. Other Cro-Magnons followed suit. The Neanderthals retaliated by banning us from their hot springs. Fights started here and there. Soon, a stone-axe race began.
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“A war of annihilation nearly broke out. Instead, Monsieur Ogg tactfully suggested a baseball game to determine the extermination.“
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“Baseball was much different then, with bats fashioned from enormous twigs and five balls needed to get a walk. Both sides played this game of extinction in typical, jovial dawn-of-mankind fashion. Hunter-gatherers supplied food to the enormous crowd.
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“It was an exciting game. Many fans forgot to breathe and died. It all came down to the bottom of the ninth, two outs, bases loaded with the score: Cro-Magnons: All fingers of five men and three fingers of another, to Neanderthals: All fingers of five men and two of another.

“The Neanderthals had their best batter at the plate, Craggy. He sneered at our pitcher, Henri Ogg. Ogg hurled a blood ball, it was legal then. Craggy sneered and stepped away. Strike one!

“Henri hurled an anthrax ball. Craggy yawned. Strike two!
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“The crowd tensed. The Neanderthals smiled. Surely, Craggy would win the game now.

“Henri hurled a plain fastball. Craggy shattered the air with his mighty swing.

“Oh, somewhere the sun was shining and the people laughing, but there was no joy for the first cavemen; mighty Neanderthal was wiped out.”

“How do we know the Cro-Magnons were truly ahead?” says Harriet. “After all, cavemen were often missing fingers.”

“Hush.”
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Banane Celeste

Martinican Dessert

(From Martinique)

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BANANE CELESTE

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INGREDIENTS
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1 pound cream cheese (½ pound more later)
3 tablespoons butter
6 ripe bananas
¼ cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon (¼ teaspoon more later)
½ pound cream cheese
¼ cup heavy cream
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ *8″ baking dish
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Serves 6. Takes 50 minutes plus at least 2 hours 30 minutes to set.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Let cream cheese and butter soften. Peel bananas and cut them in half along their lengths.
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Add cream cheese, brown sugar, and ½ teaspoon cinnamon to large mixing bowl. Use fork or blender on lowest setting until cream cheese/brown sugar mixture is light and fluffy.
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Light and fluffy sounds so peaceful doesn’t it? Next time you’re at a peace conference say, “Light and fluffy” to the warring sides and see if the mood of the room doesn’t improve dramatically.
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Meanwhile back at the stove, use medium heat to melt the butter in a pan. Add 6 banana halves to pan. Sauté bananas on medium heat for 5 minutes or until they turn light brown on both sides. Turn bananas carefully over once with spatula to ensure even browning. Repeat for second batch of 6 banana halves.
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Evenly arrange 6 banana halves in bottom of baking dish. Spoon cream cheese/brown sugar mixture evenly over bananas. Place 6 more banana halves on top of the cream cheese. Spoon ½ pound cream cheese atop the second banana layer.
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Smooth heavy cream over the second layer of cream cheese. Sprinkle ¼ teaspoon cinnamon over heavy cream.
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Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until cream-cheese sauce is bubbly and golden brown. Let cool on wire rack for 30 minutes. Put in refrigerator at least 2 hours or until it sets.
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TIDBITS
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1) Josephine Bonaparte, wife of the Emperor Napoleon, was born in Martinique in 1763 with the name of Marie Josèphe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie. This name was way too long so most people just called her “Ma.” Josephine possessed a lively sense of humor.
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2) People loved her jokes. She had them in stitches. Agents from Vau de Ville frequently came to her mansion to sign her up for large engagements but she always demurred, saying she was but a simple banana plantation monopolist.
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3) Still the island’s elite kept coming to her comedy soirées to hear her jokes. They never wanted to leave even when she got tired and wanted to retire. They’d say, “Yo, Ma, Ma, tell us another joke.”
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4) Her funnies became known as “Ma Ma jests,” then “Mama jests,” and finally by 1779 as “Yo, Mama jokes.”
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5) In 1779, Ma Pagerie married the owner of the Folies Bergère, Monsieur de Beauharnais, and moved to Paris.
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6) Nothing much of note happened in the lives of the de Beauharnaises until monsieur ended their marriage by getting guillotined in 1794. Saved the unpleasantness of a bitter divorce, Ma commenced a series of mirthful affairs with the handsome leaders of the French Revolution.
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7) In 1796 she attracted the eye of a young artillery officer named Napoleon Bonaparte. “She made me laugh,” said Napoleon before his death.
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8) Napoleon suffered from chronic depression and often stayed in bed neglecting to fight the smallest battle until Ma bucked him up with one of the world’s first chicken-crossing the road jokes. “Pourquoi le poulet a traversé la rue? Pour obtenir à l’autre côté.”
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9) Ma’s merriment gave Napoleon the energy to follow his dream. In 1799, he and two other hombres overthrew the constitutional government. In 1804, he reached the top of the government ladder when he made himself emperor.
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10) Life was good for France with Napoleon conquering one country after another. People no longer had to get visas to visit the Italian Riviera. Napoleon had made it part of France. What a guy!
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11) But things went sour in 1810. Napoleon wanted an heir for his Empire. Ma, although always able to conceive a knee-slapping joke without a moment’s notice, could not do the same with a child. So Napoleon divorced her and married Marie Louise of Austria.
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12) Marie Louise lived in a permanent humor-free zone. She never made Napoleon laugh, not once. Napoleon grew moody, his judgment became impaired. In 1812, he invaded Russia, a disaster. By 1814, his enemies camped at the French border. They offered Napoleon a peace treaty, but without Ma’s jokes to relieve the tension caused by his tactless outbursts, negotiations went downhill.
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13) Napoleon was forever defeated in 1815 and exiled to St. Helena. It would decades before vaudeville revived.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ketchup

American Appetizer

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KETCHUP

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INGREDIENTS
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3 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 teaspoons tomato paste
1 28 ounce-can peeled tomatoes, whole or diced
5 tablespoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons white vinegar
¼ teaspoon allspice
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor or electric blender
4-cup Mason jar
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Makes 3 cups. Takes 30 minutes
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic and onion. Add onion and olive oil to large pot or Dutch oven. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add garlic. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add tomato paste. Cook for 2 minutes at medium heat or until it turns to burnt orange.
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Add remaining ingredients. Cook at medium-high heat until it starts to boil. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 40 minutes it thickens.. Stir enough to prevent burning.
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Transfer liquid from pot to food processor or electric blender. Puree liquid until it reaches your desired thickness. Let cool to room temperature. Add ketchup to Mason jar. Should keep in refrigerator for up to 1 month.
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TIDBITS
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1) According to Quite Possibly True Almanac, 2019:
The largest outdoor skating rink made from frozen ketchup is in Pois, Quebec.
Michaelangelo used ketchup instead of red pigment when painting his masterpieces.
The largest ketchup lake formed in Pumice, Kentucky when a tidal wave of hot ketchup from a bottling factory filled an abandoned strip mine.
­In 2013, NASA quietly sent out a cylinder filled with 21,200 tons of ketchup as a goodwill gesture to any civilizations existing outside our Solar System, because who doesn’t like ketchup?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Great Cats Latch Hook Project – Part 3

Hi there. I’m blogging again. I was on my back for most of ten days as I had not one, but two kidney stones. Yes, I am an overachiever. I’ve been to urgent care a fistful of times in the last year. Thank goodness, I’ve kept my Urgent Care punchard. I’ve already earned one free cheeseburger and am only one visit away from getting a second one. Anyway. I’ve made some progress on my Cats Latch Hook Project. Full speed ahead

And here’s what I’ve done.

5-22-25

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, latch hook | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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